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*Blows the dust off ye olde eljay* Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted an entry.. Does anyone ever READ this thing anymore? I'm guessing not. Everything's on twitter & FB now. Still. may as well. If you're still writing on Livejournal/care whether I ever update, post a comment.

Since my last entry:
I am a year older (and a few months)
I am still with Ed
We are not married yet
I am still living with him & Ma
We moved
I am now minus a gallbladder (THAT was a fun adventure)
I still don't have a job
I am still broke as crap
Rachel has started College
I made a really good friend this summer
I have broken ties with 2 other friends
Still am friends with Clark, surprisingly.
I may have an opportunity to go back to school
I am going to the Feast of Tabernacles this year

I think that hits most of the high points Sorry I have neglected you for so long, journal.
 
 
 
 
 
 
So many months since I posted last. Oh dear. Well let's see, I am officialy divorced, and I am proud of us, because we have remained friends.
Ed and I are still together and getting hitched in September ( Mark yer Calenders!). To Quote Jane Eyre:"I know no weariness of my Edward's society: he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together. To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking. All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character--perfect concord is the result."
Well, almost perfect, anyhow ;)
Finances are still tight,  we are moving this summer,  found a fab apartment, and I have GOT to start looking for work el Pronto! Other than that not much to report, I will try to post more often, I know my track record is lousy, so no promises! I will at least try to keep better track of everybody else in eljay land, I haven't forgotten you!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hello all you happy people out there in eljay land. Hoipe ya'll have a great Turkey day tomorrow, mine will be delayed by a day, as my folks are coming up and we are getting together at my cousin Bobby's house on Friday. Ed's new job seems to be going well, we managed to get us enough groceries to last us, and I finally made it to the courthouse to file the paperwork needed for the divorce.
All month long on Facebook, whenever I could get on , I have posted what i was thankful for... I'm very Thankful this year, and very very Happy. My Only wish for all of you is to feel likewise.. Happy Turkey Day!
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hard to Believe  it's Veteran's day and Ed and I have been together more than  2 months and still pretty much ridiculously happy together.   Our finances are still tight, and  there's no phone or 'Net at our house (Posting this from  a friend's) But he just got a  job, so things should be looking up financially soon.
As is my Tradition, I am posting this:

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

. Happy Veterans Day to all. Most espically to our servicemen and Women.. may they all be home soon.
 
 
 
 
 
 

As per usual, when I neglect my ElJAy everything in my  life descends into complete chaos, and this hiatus has been no exception.  Clark's surgery was not a complete success, (at least not the way  he wanted it to be) and there were some complications.  I took care of  him post op as well as I could,  just like I have the  past  9 years of my life, but as usual. It wasn't  enough.  2 weeks ago, we made the decision to separate.. To be honest, there are things I'm amazed I've put up with for 9 years. You see, no matter what, I've always been as honest as I can with him. And I do have feelings for someone else (Mind you, up to that point I had not acted on those feelings) HIs response was that maybe we should separate.. To be honest, I was really surprised that he said this. I had been feeling distance between us, but assumed it was all on my end. After a couple more days of consideration, he told me that he didn't love me anymore, . The next day he'd changed his mind, but... Too late. (Turns our because of a medicine imbalance that he actually might have not been in his right mind when he said this... The unfortunate fact is he was still correct. He and I are holding each other back.) It was like someone has bopped me over the head and woken me up. He and I are just not good for each other, and that was the deciding factor. It wasn't just that I wanted out, and wanted to be with someone I AM way more compatible with (Although that is the case) I wanted to free him of me too. I don''t like the person I am when I'm with him She is spiteful, hateful and unhappy. I'm tired of living with her, and I'm sure Clark is, too.  As for my new guy, well, it's serious. We love each other, and  as is my MO, it happened really fast. Except for financial and logistical worries, I'm happier right now  that I have ever been   My New guy (His name is Ed BTW) and I have been friends for  a long time, but this being in love with each other thing is new. Except for hurting Clark , I have no regrets about my decision. I think I  would have  hurt him more in the  long run, I honestly do.  I feel I gave my marriage my best shot, and it is well past time for me to move on.    This Livejournal was established  during my first divorce, when I was trying to  get my feelings straight, and  trying to figure  out what I  wanted.  On the surface, it looks like history repeating itself, but I have grown older and a little wiser since then . (I hope)  Advice Comments and general Mojo would be appreciated, thanks. And I will try to update as best I can.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Posting this from sunny GA, right outside  Atlanta from the hotel we are staying in.  My Cousin Chris and his Fiancee Kira are getting married today!  Congratulations  guys!

As Soon as I get back, we are going up to Cleveland  for Clark's surgery. Will post after that if I can. Love to all!
 
 
 
 
 
 

Crimitialy.
Do I need to post an update or what? Phew!

Ok I'll take this one thing at a  time :

Finances are  still in the crapper. I have a  job interview at 6:30 and Josh has a  job starting next month, so hopefully things will get better.   We have started our own business selling custom art and apparel (Check us out at http://www.myspace.com/penandpaletteimaging  )

Health.  I am having  a similar issue to the girly problem I had a couple years ago, I FINALLY have an appt  tomorrow to see about it. Cross for fingers for no more Bleedy outherwise, I am performing a self hysterectomy with  a rusty freeking spoon,

Clark and I just got back from Cleveland Clinic He had an appointment to  do an invasive EEG and we were up there for two weeks. The Seizures are coming  from two different places and the surgery will be more extensive than we had thought.  It should be about the middle toward the  end of July.

RIP Mrs Betty Assface Crickard ( A good friend of the family. And yes, there's a story behind the name)

I think that's most of the major stuff.
 
 
 
 
 
 
What was your favorite movie when you were a kid? Is it still your favorite now that you're older?
Flight  of the Navigator .. It's still in my top ten.
 
 
 
 
 
 

.!. Despite being inspired my brother, I didn't make this list till Dave made me do it, nevertheless, I think I may learn a few things about myself as I share them with others.

2. Faithwise, I'm pretty muddled. My belief in God and Jesus Christ is crystal clear, the rest, well, I'm working on it.

3. .I hate funerals, and plan to have a party when i die.

4. I really love Children, and want my own.

5. I have been married twice, to the same man. It's working out a lot better the second time:) From him, I have learned that romance comes and goes, but love goes on and on.

6. I've been afraid to drive for years. My goal for 2009 is to end it being the proud owner of my driver's license, so stay off the sidewalks.

7. I've been a fan of Simon and Garfunkel since I can remember. Their music has had a profound impact on my life. and I try to share it with as many people as I can. I love music of all kinda, but they're still my favorite.

8. I'm not much of a drinker, but my favorite drink is Southern Comfort and Coke with a splash of lime.

9. I have the strangest dreams of almost anybody I know, but the really odd thing is that I recall them most of the time when I wake up. Also, I dream in color.

10. I know a lot of really really horrible jokes, and greatly enjoy inflicting them on other people. Mwahahahahaha.

11. I am a sentimental person. I cry easily, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some people see this as a weakness, but I don't. It's just the way I'm wired, and I can't really change it, I see it as a weakness, but also as a strength. I can't hide my feelings, but at least people know I am being honest.

12. I tell myself "bedtime stories" before I go to sleep. My two favorite ones are a (non sexual!) fantasy about Art Garfunkel, and one of me as a genius kid. I don't know why these two always put me to sleep, but they do, Perhaps it explains number 9.

13. I love cats. Mine sleeps with me every night, even though he is rotten.

14.I've got a stubborn streak a mile wide, but I think I can be reasoned with (at least most of the time)

15. I miss my Grandparents, all of them, a lot. (I am Grateful that some of my Great Aunts are still alive, and I think my Aunt Gerry could probably kick my ass in a fair fight.

16. I love Philly steak sandwiches. I think they are the world's most perfect food, and someday I'm going to Pennsylvania to eat a "real" one.

17. Is my Birthday, March 17, 1979. I Love my Birthday, in all of it's beery Green Irish glory.

18. Is my Brother's Birthday, the following Day and year from mine, my brother knows me better than anyone else in the world, probably. except for my husband, and like my husband uses this information to push my buttons, but also to sometimes know the exact right thing to say. Love ya, Jen.

19. The older I get, the faster time goes, in another ten years, I believe I will be approaching light speed.

20. I think that I am an ok singer, a pretty good cook, a fair masseuse and I try to be a good listener. I can also read really fast, have at least half a brain, and can type 30 WPM.

21. I have a bad temper, tend to be lazy, can't sew worth a damn, and can't draw a straight line with a ruler, also I'm hopelessly uncoordinated.

22. One thing I am most grateful for in my life is my parents. I have a stellar Mom and Dad. Everytime I think about them, it puts a smile on my face, and I realize that there are many who don't have this blessing

23 Politically, I'm pretty middle of the road. Much to my Daddy's chagrin, I do lean a bit left. I am registered as an independant.

24. If I could throw a dinner party and invite 9 people, living or dead, I would invite:Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, My Grandma Treva,Amelia Earhart,Mick FoleyJanis Joplin,Gilda Radner,the Apostle Paul and Miss Piggy .
 

25. As I finish this list, I'm a bit chilly, a lot tired, smoking a cigarette, and listening to Harry Chapin. Hope you enjoyed reading this.

 
 
 
 
 
 
I think I better get my smokes for this one, because it may  be a looooong post. After all the  shit that went  down in October and November, it's been an ok month.  I've written a couple of times about the side effects of Clark's epilepsy , trying not to go into too much detail in order to protect his privacy.   We're now looking into brain surgery as an option. I was dead set against it first, I mean, how scary is that, if something goes wrong, , well, I don't like thinking about it.  On the other hand, I know how much  he struggles  with  not only the  effects of the seizures and their effect on his  cognition, but  the side effects of  his meds.  I want this for him,  to make  his  life better, and according to his epileptologist, it has a good chance of doing just that.  We also  found out that day that the Cleveland Clinic will pay for the tests, surgery, everything.. What  a Blessing that is! I also  got in touch with an old friend of mine that day, after  3 years of not speaking.. We had a falling out, well, actually not we, so much as she  just decided to  quit speaking to me, Our reconciliation lasted about a week :(  It's bummed me  out, to tell you the truth, I really did hope we could be  friends again.. I hope the surgery  situation doesn't  end up in similar disappointment  If for some reason, you're reading this , friend,. I wish  you no ill will, and hope maybe some day you can get your shit together, and we can be friends again.
I have learned something this year : the secret to being  happy is to focus what is going well in your life, and  what you have to be grateful for.  It's good to be able to vent, but that's all that some people do, and it  gets old after awhile. My goal for 2009 is to be  more positive, and yet more tolerant of negative people. I Also need to go back to work El Pronto. Clark is having test in Cleveland  starting the  4th of January. They are going to  take  him off his meds and monitor him with EEG and cameras. I feel it's very important that I be there, because he gets very confused when off the meds.  After that, though, I'm going back to my old job.  The Positive me, says I miss my friends there, and i enjoy helping people. It's a start, right?